K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
