You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
