im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize