I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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