I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
