I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
