youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
