Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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