we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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