Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
