Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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