So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
