i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
