2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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