Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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