Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
