Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
