$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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