we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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