I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
