My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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