I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
North Korea, Best Korea!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
