I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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