Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
