Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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