Can Purell be used as lube?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
