I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
