Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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