THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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