I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
