Im at strip club and am horny
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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