I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
