Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
