What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
