Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You're like the curious george of whores
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
