he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
