We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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