Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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