I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
