My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
