did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
