Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
