so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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