I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
