he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
