So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
