I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
