Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
