every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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