The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
