two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
