i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
