Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
