Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
