She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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