I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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