loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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