i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
