You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
