ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
