So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize