i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
