and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize