yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
