Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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