Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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