Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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