just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
