You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
