I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
