His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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