..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
