Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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