they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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