I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize