At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
