Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize