Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
