Cold hands, warm shart.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
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How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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