Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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