your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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