Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
