u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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