and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
