My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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