I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
