he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
