that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
