thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
