Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
