new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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