I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
