I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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